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First Date Pep Talk

When it comes to dating, ladies, a man will think one of three ways about us depending on how smooth the first date went: It could be 1.) “Man, I need to call her back”.  2.) “I’m never meeting girls on facebook again”, or 3.) (confused face) “………..Who?”. Whether a good impression, bad impression or no impression at all, the first date is the one time he’ll listen to you!So be careful what you talk about on the date. Some things seem obvious with common sense, but you’d be surprised how many people bring up over the top, out of line, pushy topics that scare people away. Maybe it’s nerves or something? So lets have a little pep talk. Don’t make any of these your first impression:

1.) Expecting a five star meal.

-Ladies, we have to take the blame for this. You know what we think ” I want to see how much he values me”. Honestly, it’s a FIRST DATE. Would you want to spend 35 dollars on a salad for someone you don’t even know if you’ll see again? If you expect high quality, five star treatment on the first date, he’ll be expecting a particular “thank you” at the end of the date (umkaaay). It’s like you want the TLC before he even knows you, why wouldn’t he expect that from you? Be cool with some place casual unless he offers otherwise. If he has any decency, he’ll know not to take you somewhere TOO casual (i.e. Micky D’s).

2.) 21 questions? “????” “???????” “?????????”

-You are not a CSI agent, and he is not being held for questioning. Stop it. Making a guy feel uncomfortable by asking too many questions gives him permission to never call you again. Let the conversation flow. Plus you want him to get to know you, too.

3.) Bad mouthing ex’s

-We can all turn a conversation about an ex into an Oprah show and tell you everything about how “he did me wrong”. Save that for your homegirls, and spare your date. That screams “I’m a Victim!” and shows that you take no responsibility for what went wrong no matter what the circumstances were. That’s unattractive. If your date were to ask, a simple “We were just going in different directions” or “We just couldn’t work out our differences” will work. Seems vague, but really, that’s all the information he needs at that point.

4.) Sex talk

-If you looking for a hook up buddy, then this may not be a problem. Thing is he’ll be interested in you, but only because at this point you basically guaranteed him the goods by the end of the date. Your mind, dreams, goals, wont mean nada to him because now all he can focus on is getting you undressed. Of course the guy is sexually attracted to you, that’s one of the reasons why he asked you on the date, but don’t talk sex unless those are your plans at the end of the date.

5.)Desire for marriage and children

-You know this person from a few awkward text messages and you already having him think about a wife and kids? I recommend you do that if you’re desperately trying to get out of ever seeing him again because after talking like that, you won’t. There’s plenty of time to talk about a husband and kids later on. Much, much later on.

6.) Mentioning debt/Money in General

– First thing he’s going to think (whether he has money or not) is ‘she looking for a superman’. Everything you say after that will translate into  “I wanna be saaaved” whether that may be true or not. Never ever ever ever never never ever mention money. It sends every type of message except the right one.

These are the main “no-no’s” that will leave you as a sour memory and the horror story topic he’ll tell his homeboys about (they gossip too). Plus who wants to miss out on a potentially good relationship because you choked up and couldn’t find any other way to start your sentence off with except “If we were married…….”. Yeah, me neither. If you didn’t know before now you know, so go out there and get ’em. Ready? BREAK!

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“He says he’s sorry….”

Love doesn’t hurt. Bottom line. Possessive, demeaning, humiliating, jealousy, and isolation are all the start of abusive relationships that could potentially lead to the physical harm, but by no means should anyone stick around and wait for it to progress into that.

I never thought I could find myself in such a destructive position, which is why it took me time to catch on to the  subtle signs. At first it was the

1.) Suspicion.

I had the same on going routine for months and months; work, school, homework, sleep, repeat. Then suddenly when I was busy with one thing  it was a question of if I was cheating. I had to answer at least 15 questions about where I was, who was there, what I did, when I left there and why didn’t I call back while I was leaving before we could continue talking about something else (Or until he ran out of questions to ask).

2.) Possessive and controlling behavior.

He wanted to know who I was talking to at work or school (of the opposite sex). Then he didn’t want me to be around my friends at all. I couldn’t talk to them on the phone, text, or hang out with them. Oh I wouldn’t even DARE to try to go out on a Friday night for a girl’s night. That was asking for trouble.

3.) Mind games.

I never knew someone who could play them so cold. When the mind games failed on me, he would twist my wording or his own to work in his favor with whatever point he attempted to make. That didn’t work either. (I may not be able to remember what day it is, but I can tell you what someone said last month word for word with out missing a syllable). So he did next what he only could do; stay stubborn and keep pressing on with his made-up story.  He thought he could get me to believe everything he said so he had that complete control.

At this point you’re thinking, “Well why didn’t you break up with him?”. Truth is I did, but I made the one mistake that I sure as hell will never make again; thinking a person can change their ways in a matter of weeks. If someone has established a characteristic about them (good or bad) they are not going to change their ways in a matter of weeks. Real and sincere change takes months and years.  I learned that the hard way. Then I became so emotionally attached that it became harder to break up every time.Then it escalated…

4.) Blame Game.

Never wanting to take responsibility for his actions. He called me a whore because didn’t see him enough and he missed me, so he said it out of frustration. He lashed out at me and yelled at me for no reason because he was upset that I didn’t want to move in with him right away. If he physically hurt me it was because I wasn’t being grateful enough for him. Nothing was ever his fault; everything he did wrong was because of what I said or did or didn’t do no matter what it was.

5.) Name Calling.

Calling me a whore, saying I was easy because of my past relationships with previous boyfriends, saying I was a bitch, a slut; the whole shebang. Then constantly asking me about past relationships, wanting to know who I was still in contact with, always trying to catch me in a lie (that I wasn’t telling). It was a complete headache! Know this; if he ever calls you out of your name, then the relationship has gone too far and needs to end immediately. He just displayed his disrespect and lack of value for you so the physical abuse is what it typically turns into next.

 Not leaving at the first sign of something not being right was completely my fault. It’s surprising what you would do when you are actually in a situation oppose to being on the outside looking in. BUT NO EXUSES!!

I was never physically harmed by him, I got out of the relationship before it could ever get to that point, but it was certainly heading that way.

Read the signs below to determine if you are in an abusive relationship. Be honest. Regardless of how you want your relationship to be like, your imagination cannot erase the reality of it. If you can identify with 3 or more of the signs, it is crucial for you to get out. If you do not do something about it, IT WILL ESCALATE. I am going to also write an article on mind control to help identify when someone is playing mind game with you. An abuser’s favorite role is the victim. Sic em out and get free from the bondage! Your life may be depending on it.

 http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive_signs.htm

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Kissing Coach (smooch, smooch)

People don’t understand the importance of kissing and what it does to the hormones and body when it’s done right! Kissing can be one of the most intimate moments without having sex, and the arousal from it can make the sex more intense. I found this GREAT article on cosmopolitan.com, read these tips and practice on your lover .

1. There Are Tons Of Nerve Endings…

…in your lips (100 times more than in your fingertips!) that stimulate desire. That’s why smooching before, during, and after sex can be extremely arousing and satisfying.
Source: Krista Bloom, PhD, author of The Ultimate Compatibility Quiz

2. Forty Percent Of Men Say That…

…a really long, steamy kiss will get them immediately ready for sex. (Thirty percent said that grabbing their crotch will do it. Duh.)
Source: Cosmo Poll, April 2009

3. Pay Attention To Those “See Ya Later” Pecks. If Your Guy…

…routinely only gives you a quick kiss on the cheek when saying good-bye, it could be that he’s guarded and doesn’t emote easily. If this is a more recent development, it’s a warning sign; he may be feeling ambivalent about the relationship.
Source: Body language expert Tony Reiman

4. Instantly Turn Up The Kissing Intimacy By…

…closing the “A-frame”: a smooching stance in which you and your guy are in the middle of a smooch but your hips are a mile apart. By pressing your hips together, the degree of desire quickly rises.
Source: Wil

5. The Best Way To Kiss A Guy’s Ear? Kiss And…

…suck on his earlobe for a moment and then trace the outline of his ear with the tip of your tongue. (Bonus points if you whisper something naughty to him.)

Source: Ava Cadell, PhDliam Cane, kissing coach and author of The Art of Kissing

6. Men Initiate Open-Mouth Kissing To Transfer…

…libido-boosting testosterone to their partner. So when he’s getting a little more aggressive, it’s not just about his desire — he wants you to be a bit more amorous too.
Source: Study by the University at Albany

7. Men Are More Than Twice As Likely…

…to have sex with a bad kisser than are women.
Source: eHarmony.com, “What Men and Women Want in a Kiss

8. When Coy Kisses Aren’t Going To Cut It…

…here’s why you should let loose: Passionate kisses elevate your blood pressure and cause your heart to beat faster, getting you more excited, and making it easier for you to reach orgasm.
Source: Ava Cadell, PhD

9. Fifty-Four Percent Of Women…

…between the ages of 18 and 24 say they’ve kissed another girl. That number drops to 43 percent for those between 25 and 34.
Source: Cosmo Poll, December 2008

10. During The Middle Ages, People Signed Legal Contracts…

…by making an “X” on the document and then kissing it to pledge their honor. That’s how XX became shorthand for a smooch.
Source: Kissing: The Complete Guide by Tamar Schreibman

Look at the actual page by clicking this link:

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/kissing-facts#fbIndex1

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Who Run This Motha—?….GIRLS

My previous post titled “A Woman’s Worth” reminded me of a topic that people are continuing to discuss, and that is the meaning behind Beyonce’s song “Who Run The World? (Girls)”. Many people felt outraged about this song saying women don’t really run the world, it’s a man’s world, this is just another failed attempt after The Spice Girls at “girl power”, and there are women in other countries who still have little or no civil rights at all.

Okay people, Must we always be so technical? First thing I’m going to address is the “failed girl power” attempt . Why are we ok with the typical bitches and hoes and womanizing lyrics of hundreds of songs created a year, but decide to speak out against a woman trying to uplift other women? And to say that this a failed attempt at girl power? If women don’t try to encourage other women then who will?  A song alone cannot change the world, but Beyonce is doing her job, making good, fun and uplifting music for people to enjoy. It’s refreshing to hear something positive about a woman on the radio (that has something to do with things other than sex).

SECOND: To address the suggestion that this song is not relevant because of the women around the world who still have no rights, I’m sure Beyonce and her song writer are very aware of this sad, but true, fact. I don’t think they meant for this to be taken so literal. Look at the lyrics! She speaks about women who are college grads, working their 9-5, bearing children then going back to work and buying thing with their own money and getting more later. That is strength; the type of strength that makes it obvious that women have their hands in ever aspect of life, making a woman’s worth and position in life something the world cannot live without. We may not be running the white house or having any position at all in some parts of the country, but what would this world be without the love of a mother or without the strength of a woman? Nothing. The world needs us for everything now. We run the world….get it?

Now, this is not to downplay a man’s position in the world because men and women are both needed to make the world go ’round. I believe that God made the man the head of the house and most things in life because of the logical thinking men use. We as women use our emotions and intuition and you cannot make logical choices with emotions. We need men just as much as they need us. Obviously men have the physical power and strength, but women have that emotional strength that takes a lot more out of a person. A man is the head of the house hold, but women are the neck that turns that head. Without the neck, the head is immobile. Again THIS IS NOT A DOWNPLAY ON MEN, but people need to be reminded of a woman’s worth. Young women and girls will have no idea the power they posses if someone doesn’t .

*Extra point. You see how Neyo created “Ms. Independent”, Boosie and Webbie created “Independent”, Fabolous and Jamie Foxx created “She got her own” (all males by the way) and got so much praise for it. These are all great song that describes the beautiful, smart, strong, hard working women in the world. Soon as a woman does the EXACT SAME THING she catches hell.

This is exactly what the music needs because the generations of today assume women are hoes and bitches first and have to prove that they’re not, instead of being a lady first then proving to actually be a hoe if they are. This world is so backwards! If you want to object to something, you can start with subject that actually poses as a problem.

For those who have not seen/heard the song, here is the video link below the picture Listen and enjoy!

http://youtu.be/VBmMU_iwe6U

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A Woman’s Worth

Women, YOU are the jewel to be sought after! Why is it that I see so many women taking on the man’s role? Pursuing the man, pleasing the man, being his equal when it comes to finance and buying things with your own money, but suddenly that “let’s go dutch” attitude disappears when it’s time to clean, take care of the children and cook every night. Pick a side. It’s either traditional all the way or 50/50 in every way. 

   A man who wants the woman to submit to him, cook every night, keep the house in perfect order and do a majority of the work with the kids is the man who likes the traditional element in his relationship where the man is the head of the house hold. Otherwise he would be fine with sharing those responsibilities equally. 

This new generation of misguided males have the idea that they are to be tracked down and pursued as if they were women! If a woman chooses to go after you, then she will, but a man should always be bold enough to take that first step. A mature, seasoned male knows that if he pursues after a woman’s love, he will receive the world! The reason why your’e attracting these “no good” women is because all you attract are the women who aren’t worth chasing; The lazy man will never get his ultimate woman, or even come close to her.

  You cant sit back and expect the ideal woman of your dreams to just waltz your way and live happily ever after. If that has ever happened to you consider yourself one lucky bastard. Every woman has their own style when it comes to attracting males and even if she is the type to go after her man, ladies, YOU are still the ultimate prize. Do not let any person or thing convince you otherwise. Beyonce was not mistaken when she said “Who run the world? GIRLS!” Keep being the classy, beautiful woman that you are. 

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