Love doesn’t hurt. Bottom line. Possessive, demeaning, humiliating, jealousy, and isolation are all the start of abusive relationships that could potentially lead to the physical harm, but by no means should anyone stick around and wait for it to progress into that.
I never thought I could find myself in such a destructive position, which is why it took me time to catch on to the subtle signs. At first it was the
1.) Suspicion.
I had the same on going routine for months and months; work, school, homework, sleep, repeat. Then suddenly when I was busy with one thing it was a question of if I was cheating. I had to answer at least 15 questions about where I was, who was there, what I did, when I left there and why didn’t I call back while I was leaving before we could continue talking about something else (Or until he ran out of questions to ask).
2.) Possessive and controlling behavior.
He wanted to know who I was talking to at work or school (of the opposite sex). Then he didn’t want me to be around my friends at all. I couldn’t talk to them on the phone, text, or hang out with them. Oh I wouldn’t even DARE to try to go out on a Friday night for a girl’s night. That was asking for trouble.
3.) Mind games.
I never knew someone who could play them so cold. When the mind games failed on me, he would twist my wording or his own to work in his favor with whatever point he attempted to make. That didn’t work either. (I may not be able to remember what day it is, but I can tell you what someone said last month word for word with out missing a syllable). So he did next what he only could do; stay stubborn and keep pressing on with his made-up story. He thought he could get me to believe everything he said so he had that complete control.
At this point you’re thinking, “Well why didn’t you break up with him?”. Truth is I did, but I made the one mistake that I sure as hell will never make again; thinking a person can change their ways in a matter of weeks. If someone has established a characteristic about them (good or bad) they are not going to change their ways in a matter of weeks. Real and sincere change takes months and years. I learned that the hard way. Then I became so emotionally attached that it became harder to break up every time.Then it escalated…
4.) Blame Game.
Never wanting to take responsibility for his actions. He called me a whore because I didn’t see him enough and he missed me, so he said it out of frustration. He lashed out at me and yelled at me for no reason because he was upset that I didn’t want to move in with him right away. If he physically hurt me it was because I wasn’t being grateful enough for him. Nothing was ever his fault; everything he did wrong was because of what I said or did or didn’t do no matter what it was.
5.) Name Calling.
Calling me a whore, saying I was easy because of my past relationships with previous boyfriends, saying I was a bitch, a slut; the whole shebang. Then constantly asking me about past relationships, wanting to know who I was still in contact with, always trying to catch me in a lie (that I wasn’t telling). It was a complete headache! Know this; if he ever calls you out of your name, then the relationship has gone too far and needs to end immediately. He just displayed his disrespect and lack of value for you so the physical abuse is what it typically turns into next.
Not leaving at the first sign of something not being right was completely my fault. It’s surprising what you would do when you are actually in a situation oppose to being on the outside looking in. BUT NO EXUSES!!
I was never physically harmed by him, I got out of the relationship before it could ever get to that point, but it was certainly heading that way.
Read the signs below to determine if you are in an abusive relationship. Be honest. Regardless of how you want your relationship to be like, your imagination cannot erase the reality of it. If you can identify with 3 or more of the signs, it is crucial for you to get out. If you do not do something about it, IT WILL ESCALATE. I am going to also write an article on mind control to help identify when someone is playing mind game with you. An abuser’s favorite role is the victim. Sic em out and get free from the bondage! Your life may be depending on it.
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